Dead Man Walking

Owen: I've had the chocolate whoppers before, but I've never tried the strawberry ones.
Me: That's a sad story, Owen.
Owen: I'm going to have some when I'm a grown up....when my parents are dead.
Daddy: Your parents don't have to be dead for you to be a grown up. I'm a grown up and my parents aren't dead.
Owen: But your parents LOOK like they are almost dead. Grandaddy is a REALLY old man.

Pissed Off (and on...)

Our patio has had a strange odor for the past month. At first we tried to find out what the source was, and then we just decided to be smart about the whole situation and not go on the patio anymore.....

Obviously that didn't last long since I am trapped in a two bedroom apartment with two crazy kids. We have to get out every once in a while or the neighbors start calling DFACS. So I was noticing that there was a lot of dog doo in the desert grass (rocks) in front of our patio. I called the manager to complain and he said he would send the grounds people back to rake it up. But there was just a new stash of doodie the next day. Then some strange things started appearing (a bag of poop in one of our bushes, a dustpan smeared with...guess....that's right... it-shay) that made me start questioning this smell a little more. Finally, I came out to the patio one day and found a turd (I'm going to try to use a new word for it each time it is mentioned) balancing on top of my gate. I thought, "Wow- either that is an EXTREMELY limber dog, or that crap came from above."

So my next call to the manager was to tell him that I was pretty sure the people two stories above us were letting their dogs stinky on the balcony and then they were sweeping it over the edge...and therefore poisoning the tiny piece of ground that my children have on which to play. As you can imagine, I was slightly peeved.

All my assumptions were confirmed today as I stood at the edge of my patio watching my precious children "get out their energy" (this is what I call it when the neighbors give us crusty looks...but they usually don't think it's as cute as I do- or so I have gathered from all the fingers I have been shot). So, I'm standing there talking to my neighbor and all of a sudden Hazel says "It's raining!" just as I feel a few droplets of liquid hit my head. I quickly jumped out of the way and looked up to see a sweet doggie pissing on my head from the balcony above.

Of course I immediately called my manager back and gave him an earful (I might have used even more vulgar language than "pissing"). But I just don't feel like anything he does can make up for the damage to the things on my patio, not to mention the emotional damage after having my head peed on. So I am contemplating revenge. My father had the INGENIOUS suggestion of filling a water gun with my own pee and squirting it through her windows (which are always open). So, unless you have an even better suggestion, expect to hear about my water gun skills in the near future. :)

"Dirty" Dreams

Some people have been wondering whether or not I ever checked out the picture in Owen's dream journal. I have. I was considering scanning it and posting the picture, but G-Daddy says that would embarass him, so I have reconsidered. Instead I will just say this....it looks like a third leg. That little boy lacks no confidence.

If you don't know what I am talking about, don't ask me to explain! :)

Kiddos

Ok- I feel like I don't have anything new or exciting to post, so here are just a couple of cute (in my personal, unbiased opinion) stories about the kids.



Hazel's isn't really a story, but she is constantly stripping lately (which I'm sure is pretty typical for little girls her age...or she is just an exhibitionist in the making). She is just so darn proud of being able to manipulate zippers and buttons, so she has to show her skills as often as possible. So here she is parading around without a shirt. I expecially love these pics because it shows her lack of a booty (and hips). I swear...I can never find pants that fit this little girl.


I removed this picture because my paranoid concerned family thought it was too provocative for the pervs out there.

Look at that skinny little midget! Ha.

Owen was laying down in the booth at a restaurant and said "Mom, people keep walking by me and don't even realize me. I am so still and quiet they think I'm a statue."

Another Owen story that my mom thinks I should share is about Owen randomly bursting out in laughter in the car the other day and saying "Ha. I just thought of something so funny." When I asked him what, he said "I can't tell you because it has a bad word in it." I said "Maybe you shouldn't be laughing at it, then." He said "It was just a dream I had and I drew a picture of it in my dream journal."

Anyway- without telling you the entire conversation, apparently he had a dream about falling from outerspace in the buff. He thought he couldn't tell me about it because he would have to say the word penis (which apparently he drew a picture of in his journal...I definitely need to check that out!). We have always called it a penis, so I'm not sure why he all of a sudden thinks that is a bad word, but you should have heard the way he said it....out of the corner of his mouth- afraid to say it too loud.

Dream Dog

I have been asking Nathan for a Yorkshire terrier for about 4 years. I just think they are the cutest little scruffy dogs in the world. Well- some friends from church asked me to dog- sit for their teeny little 4 pound yorkie (Chloe) and I am pretty much in love with her. She is so precious and sweet...and she has a broken leg which makes me love her more. Little do they know that they will come home to painted toenails and a pink studded collar (not to mention the fact that I plan to carry her in my purse everywhere I go). :)

Anyway- I am loving having her here and I think it is good prep for Nathan. He rolled his eyes when I told him I would be watching her, but after about 15 minutes he was cuddling with her on the bed and laughing at everything she did. He admitted that she is adorable and I can tell he loves her! HA! Trickery.

Spell Check

So....I was talking to Meredith today and telling her a funny (but old) story about Owen. Some of you have already heard it, but here's a quick recap. We were in the store and all of a sudden Owen yelled "Give me a juice box beeatch!"

Meredith laughed hysterically and said "You have to blog that" which then caused a huge debate (between me and everyone I know) about how to spell biatch. Beeotch. B-otch. Biotch. Beahtch? Bee-outch?

Who knows? Either way....CAN YOU BELIEVE HE SAID THAT?!?!?! Apparently he heard it on Zathura (which I am pretty sure Daddy let him watch without asking me). So- apparently that movie should have a parental advisory...don't let your kids watch it or they will humiliate you in public. Thank you Zathura for teaching my child to say beeeiiiaahhtttcchhhh.

The Best I Can Be

Here's my thought this evening. I received an email from a good friend today that really made me think about my role as a mother. I had (and still have) a big fear that I would be a crappy mom. I am still scared almost every day that I am failing, failing, failing! I cry often when I think about how my kids might feel towards me when they grow up. I guess by having kids I am taking the chance that one or two people may grow up hating me. All I can do is try my hardest each day. Many times my hardest isn't all that great, but I have to keep trying. Maybe they will still grow up to think I am a crappy mom. I think a lot of that has to do with the personality of the child, also. The most unfortunate thing about being a mother is that everything is your fault....for the rest of their lives. And I'm sure I will look back and think about all the crappy things I did as a mom and I will feel inadequate, but I will also know that I loved them and fed them and bathed them and read to them and taught them and held them and cried over them and prayed for them and fought for them and always, always wanted the best for them... basically just did my best to be the only mom I knew how to be. It's not like I got to practice a few times before becoming a mom for real. I just have to remind myself that I am the best mom they have....because I am the ONLY mom they have. Hopefully they can love me for what I am. :)