The Best I Can Be

Here's my thought this evening. I received an email from a good friend today that really made me think about my role as a mother. I had (and still have) a big fear that I would be a crappy mom. I am still scared almost every day that I am failing, failing, failing! I cry often when I think about how my kids might feel towards me when they grow up. I guess by having kids I am taking the chance that one or two people may grow up hating me. All I can do is try my hardest each day. Many times my hardest isn't all that great, but I have to keep trying. Maybe they will still grow up to think I am a crappy mom. I think a lot of that has to do with the personality of the child, also. The most unfortunate thing about being a mother is that everything is your fault....for the rest of their lives. And I'm sure I will look back and think about all the crappy things I did as a mom and I will feel inadequate, but I will also know that I loved them and fed them and bathed them and read to them and taught them and held them and cried over them and prayed for them and fought for them and always, always wanted the best for them... basically just did my best to be the only mom I knew how to be. It's not like I got to practice a few times before becoming a mom for real. I just have to remind myself that I am the best mom they have....because I am the ONLY mom they have. Hopefully they can love me for what I am. :)