I'm pretty sure every mom out there can relate to my topic today. Every time I go to the bathroom, I have this internal struggle about whether or not to lock the door. I think..."What if there is an emergency and the kids have to get to me??" Then I quickly run through the list of possible emergencies, and how I would deal with them from my position on the toilet (or in the shower). Too many times, I end up leaving the door unlocked because of that mental picture alone.
The problem is, my kids have this crazy radar that tells them when I have entered the bathroom. No matter where they are or what they are doing - not to mention how quietly I tiptoe to the bathroom and sneakily shut the door- they always know when I have entered that oh so alluring room. So as soon as I have settled on the pot (with Ellen book in hand) for some private time, they run to the door and do one of two things. If the door is unlocked they throw it open and laugh and want to have a long talk about poop and the differences between our genitalia. If the door is locked, they throw themselves against it over and over, screaming as if they are being chased by a giant lizard (not Godzilla, though....think smaller and less famous...maybe Dorothy the dinosaur).
As if that isn't enough to ruin my mommy time, they get REALLY mad that I have locked that door. And by get mad I mean they get even. One time Hazel unrolled the entire roll of toilet paper and threw it all over the apartment. Another time she smeared poop all over their bathroom. Then there was the time they got my purse and ate every last piece of gum out of it and then stuck them in various places around the apartment for me to find later. OH! And I almost forgot the time Hazel used the toilet brush to dip in the toilet and clean various parts of the apartment. Sometimes, if their imagination is running low, they will just fill cups up with water and make puddles all over the carpet to play in.
You would think from these stories that I am in the bathroom for an insanely long time, but you're wrong! They just think fast. In fact, I think I am causing serious bowel issues by spending too little time in the bathroom. I guess I know why they refuse to even shut the door when they are using the restroom. They are probably just waiting for the day I decide to get even!
Maybe I could hang a bunch of candy from the ceiling just out of their reach.
No...that's not good enough. I will have to keep thinking.
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6 comments:
I'm sorry, but the images of them smearing poop, hiding gum, and all of the other things they did is just too hilarious. HA!
Today, I went to take a shower, and Avery just laid down on my bed until I was done. OK, not totally true, but she did do that for part of the time. Then she went and started playing with her new potty.
I don't think Meredith has a real kid. I think she's a robot or something. Real kids don't just sit there on your bed until you get out of the shower.
I gave up on modesty in the bathroom some time ago. I don't even bother closing the door anymore. What I lack in privacy, I gain in public adulation. Apparently I use the potty very, very well!
As for showering, I get up very early so as to exercise and have the bathroom to myself while daddy watches the children before he leaves for work. You might try that...
you are too funny, Lindsey - you should write a book! With 2 girls in my house and an often-absent husband - no doors ever close. With one teenager now I am trying to teach them that closing the door is actually the modest thing to do when you're naked. Still working on that one!!
I totally understand! Potty and shower time at our house are a team sport. Not sure how much longer that is going to last!
That was really hilarious...
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